The Coming Summer: Plans, Ideas, Regrets

2026/05/12


I don't ever feel satisfied with what I do and I really don't know why. One thing I have in mind is that any time I engage with some form of media, I should write down some notes in order to remember it better later. Anything works: a review is a good idea, for example. I wish I could remember the exact reasons as to why I prefer FMA to FMA:B for example, but by this point I can't remember, and it sucks. Or why I didn't like a certain album for example. But this is a gargantuan effort to undertake, so I'm not sure if I even can anymore. Shit, should have started years ago. Oh well.

Part of it is that I don't have much to say about a lot of things. I think mentally I am just not there anymore, I was watching season 3 of Re:Zero, and at one point, I decided to look at the summary of one of the episodes in order to confirm that I understood what happened, and I did, but at the same time it was revealed to me that there are two separate gluttony characters fighting in two different places with different people. I thought it was the same guy or something. I was watching it in English, too. How the hell did I miss that?

I regretted (this has to be the third time by now) quitting Japanese but primarily reading manga / VNs back in 2024. Looking at my watchlist, I can see now that I was going through a lot of boring shit and wasn't clever enough to just, well, not do it? Or do it less? I would go on to play games instead, only to get bored in record time, wasting the rest of the year completely. Whoops... I've read some manga recently, it was good. Thankfully I can still read in Japanese with little effort, but if you sat me down to read Umineko again like back in the day, I'm not sure how I would fare. Time to revisit anki again?

I have a lot on my mind but no way of conveying all of it here. Some of my biggest problems (not mentioned here) have no solutions at all. I am stuck in a position I don't want to be in. I don't want to keep studying. Pretending to study. I'm sick of it all, it's been too long. A lot in my life depends on whether I'll be accepted into taking the next degree this summer. If I don't, I am fucked, and there's no going back. If I do, I get a few more years of wasting time, packed with more useless tasks and other garbage. Once I am done, we are back to square one. Wonderful. I am tired and I don't care much at all anymore. But the way my luck works, I'll probably be accepted anyways. Oh well.

If only I could go back. There's so much I need to do, so many games that I want to play, so much to watch and to read, so much to make. Or maybe it's all just me coping with the fact that I am retarded and I suck. Why weren't I born in a better place? Could have been a life long neet maybe.. Hehe

Anyways, I might work on some updates for the website, we'll see, maybe not. I want to read higurashi and some manga, too.

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